1
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:03,700
KIDS,
2
00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:05,900
THE YEAR 2030
HERE'S SOMETHING I WISH MY DAD HAD TOLD ME.
3
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:08,900
The longest pause you will ever
experience in your life
4
00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:09,300
PRESEND DAY
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00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:11,400
PRESEND DAY
is the one that follows asking
the question...
6
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,900
Will you marry me?
7
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:15,200
Your brain goes into overdrive,
8
00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:17,600
imagining every
possible response.
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00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:19,200
No.
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00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,300
Oh, God, no.
11
00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:26,600
You want me to marry...
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00:00:26,700 --> 00:00:28,500
No.
13
00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:31,100
Oh, I'm sorry, Ted.
I can't.
14
00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:32,300
Mark Johnson,
the quarterback
15
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,800
from your high school football
team, already asked me.
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What's up, Turd?
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00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:38,700
It's Ted!
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00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:42,000
But if you're lucky,
she may answer with the single
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00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:44,400
greatest word
in the English language.
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00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:45,700
Yes.
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00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:47,000
This subtitle is for learning and communication only and is strictly prohibited for commercial use.
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-==http://www.ragbear.com==-
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER 401
23
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:59,800
-=Tattered Bear subtitle group=-
Translation: Proofreading:
Timeline: I love Lionheart Xiaos
24
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,000
Stella and I spent that summer
happily engaged.
25
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:06,600
Marshall was still coping
with unemployment.
26
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:07,800
What are you doing?
27
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,100
Lily threw herself
into her painting.
28
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:13,400
What are you doing?
29
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,400
Barney was rehabilitating
from his bus accident.
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What are you doing?
31
00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:22,000
And well, Marshall just kept
32
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,700
coping with unemployment.
33
00:01:26,500 --> 00:01:28,100
What are you doing?
34
00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,000
METRO NEWS 1
And Robin continued to uphold
35
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,800
METRO NEWS 1
the high journalistic standards
of Metro News 1.
36
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,700
Is your favorite
brand of dental floss
37
00:01:36,700 --> 00:01:39,300
poisoning your entire family?
38
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:43,500
Tune in at 11:00
for the shocking... tooth.
39
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,500
Okay, I officially
hate my job.
40
00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:50,300
I'm not a reporter,
I'm just someone
41
00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:52,800
who shows up at night
and scares people.
42
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:54,700
I'm the bogeyman
with a teleprompter.
43
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,100
"Bogeyman
with a teleprompter. "
44
00:02:00,100 --> 00:02:01,900
That's hilarious!
Great joke,
45
00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:03,200
Robin, great joke.
46
00:02:03,300 --> 00:02:04,500
Barney, no offense
to Robin,
47
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:06,200
but that wasn't
that funny.
48
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,800
Are you kidding?
That was a great joke.
49
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,400
It's smart, funny beautiful,
the whole package.
50
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,800
It's everything you're
afraid to let yourself want.
51
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,300
In a joke.
52
00:02:18,300 --> 00:02:20,700
"Bogeyman with a teleprompter. "
53
00:02:21,300 --> 00:02:22,400
Classic.
54
00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:27,800
Okay, what is so urgent
that you called me and begged me
55
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,600
to come over
at 7:22 in the morning?
56
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,400
I could tell you knew
something was up with me,
57
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:33,900
and you're right.
58
00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:35,000
But I can't
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00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,100
tell you what it is.
60
00:02:36,100 --> 00:02:37,500
I should tell you,
but I can't!
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00:02:37,500 --> 00:02:38,700
I have to.
I never will!
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00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,000
I'm going to.
Let's just drop it.
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00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,200
What's up with you?
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00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,400
Barney, just say it.
65
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,700
I think I'm in love with Robin.
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00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,600
Hey, Lily needs
some gift ideas
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00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,200
for Stella's
wedding shower.
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00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:53,700
Does she like to cook?
69
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,600
Um... actually,
I don't know.
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00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:58,700
Oh, what's her favorite color?
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00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,200
Don't know that either.
72
00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:03,400
Well, does she have any hobbies?
73
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:04,900
Yes, she's exactly
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00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:06,700
the kind of person
who would have hobbies.
75
00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:08,700
And interests, too.
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00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,100
I am one lucky son of a bitch.
77
00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:12,700
Dude, you don't know
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00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:14,500
anything about the woman
you're marrying.
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00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:17,400
What? You're crazy!
I know plenty.
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00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:18,800
What color are her eyes?
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00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,700
The color of the ocean
after a storm.
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00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:24,000
Which is?
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00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:27,900
Beautiful.
84
00:03:29,300 --> 00:03:30,300
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
85
00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:31,900
I thought
you called me over here
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00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:33,700
to uncuff you
from your sex swing again,
87
00:03:33,700 --> 00:03:35,800
but you're in love?
88
00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:37,500
That is so sweet!
89
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:38,800
It's not "sweet
90
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:40,800
It's like a disease.
91
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:44,200
I slept with Robin one time
and I caught feelings.
92
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,900
I caught feelings bad.
93
00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:47,800
I used protection
and everything.
94
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,700
Oh, Barney, you don't
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00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:52,400
"catch" feelings,
you just have them.
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00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,500
And they're good.
97
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,000
They're terrible!
98
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,500
I can't eat, I can't sleep.
99
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:58,700
She's all I think about.
100
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:00,600
I close my eyes, I see Robin.
101
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:03,000
I, I hear a song;
it reminds me of Robin.
102
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,900
- Morning.
- I sleep with that chick,
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00:04:04,900 --> 00:04:06,400
I'm thinking
about Robin.
104
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,800
Okay, so I don't
know every single detail about Stella.
105
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:11,500
What's this really about?
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00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:12,700
Do you not like her
or something?
107
00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:14,800
No, Ted,
I like Stella a lot.
108
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:15,900
She's a Mets fan.
109
00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:19,300
- Really?
- It's just that everything
with you guys has moved so fast.
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00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,300
You've only known
each other a few months.
111
00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:23,600
Don't you think maybe you should slow things
down a little bit?
112
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:24,800
Get to know each other better?
113
00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:27,700
I'll have
a whole lifetime to get to know her better.
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00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:32,600
Right now, I know
the one thing that I have to: that I love her.
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00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:34,100
You love her?
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00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:34,900
Barney,
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00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:36,500
how can you be in love,
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00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:39,300
and still be sleeping
with anything that moves?
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00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:41,900
I'm sorry,
I don't follow you.
120
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:45,000
That's like saying,
"How can an ant carry
121
00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,500
"20 times its body weight,
but root beer floats are still delicious?"
122
00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:50,200
Are the two even related?
123
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,600
Really? Ow!
124
00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:53,600
Barney, you're going
to have to stop screwing around
125
00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:55,600
if you want to be
Robin's boyfriend.
126
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,100
"Boyfriend"?
127
00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:01,800
I don't want
to be Robin's boyfriend.
128
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:03,400
Well, what do you want, then?
129
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:04,600
I don't know.
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00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,300
I just want
to be with her.
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00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:07,800
All the time.
132
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,800
I want to hear about her day and tell her
about mine.
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00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:14,400
I want to hold
her hand and smell her hair.
134
00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:17,500
But I don't want to be
her stupid boyfriend.
135
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:21,500
Barney, what you just described
is a relationship
136
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:23,900
between a boyfriend
and a girlfriend.
137
00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:26,300
And a pretty clingy one at that.
138
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,100
Look, Lily, are you going
to help me out with this or not?
139
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:31,200
I'm a kindergarten teacher.
140
00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:33,200
I see a confused,
little kid in the corner
141
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,300
trying to eat
the lefty scissors,
142
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,300
I gotta help the poor,
little bastard.
143
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:40,900
But only if you stop sleeping around.
Deal?
144
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:43,100
Deal.
145
00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:45,900
Coming up next,
is your local ice cream man
146
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:49,300
actually driving a roving
meth lab on wheels?
147
00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:51,300
Stay tuned for the full...
148
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:53,700
scoop.
149
00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:54,800
Really?
150
00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,900
- Uh-huh...
- Mmm...
151
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,000
I know dudes
think it's girlie for a guy to cook,
152
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,100
but us ladies?
153
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:05,600
We find it mighty sexy.
154
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:06,900
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
155
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,200
You know, uh...
156
00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:10,100
my grandma
taught me how.
157
00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:11,900
- Oh, yeah, she did.
- Yeah.
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00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,400
I had a lot of time after
school to watch her cook because
159
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,900
I wasn't good at sports.
160
00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:19,800
I'm on fire right now.
161
00:06:24,100 --> 00:06:25,700
Delicious.
What's in this pesto?
162
00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:28,900
Oh, you know, the usual:
basil, garlic, olive oil,
163
00:06:28,900 --> 00:06:31,400
but can you guess
my secret ingredient?
164
00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:34,800
- Peanuts.
- Yes. How did you know that?
165
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:43,000
- Okay, let me think. What else?
- You know what, sweetie?
166
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:45,700
I woke up so early and I had
a really long day at work.
167
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:47,000
And then there
was that whole thing
168
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,200
where you tried to kill me.
169
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,900
Can we please just go to sleep?
170
00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:52,700
No, I clearly need
to know more about you.
171
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:55,500
Let's do firsts.
Um, first kiss?
172
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,400
Dale Harris, second grade.
173
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,800
Wait, you're talking
like peck on the cheek
174
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,600
or a full-on passionate
making out?
175
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,000
- Passionate making out.
- Okay, yeah, Dale Harris, second grade.
176
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,200
Uh, first time you had sex.
177
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,400
- Dale Harris, second...
- Stop it.
178
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,600
Billy Devito,
sophomore year of college.
179
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:10,500
Prude.
180
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,000
Molly McKenzie,
junior year of high school.
181
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,100
Slut.
182
00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,200
Robin just needs to see
this new see of you.
183
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:19,700
- So just call her up?
- Just call her up.
184
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,000
It's...
185
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:26,300
Hi, Robin.
186
00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,000
She wasn't there.
187
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,200
I left a voice mail.
188
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:32,700
You left a voice,
but it wasn't male.
189
00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:34,500
Barney, I don't get it.
190
00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:37,100
You've called a million
girls a million times.
191
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:39,000
Yeah, but those
were just booty calls.
192
00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,800
On a booty call,
you barely even have to talk.
193
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,600
9:03 PM
Around 9:00 p. m., you say...
194
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:45,700
Hey, baby, it's Barney.
You busy tonight?
195
00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,000
Sweet.
See you in half an hour?
196
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,100
Can't wait.
197
00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:51,700
12:22 AM
But the later it gets,
the fewer words you need.
198
00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:53,000
Barney. Busy?
199
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,200
Sweet.
200
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,400
3:00 AM
And by 3:00 in the morning...
201
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:03,900
Sweet.
202
00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:05,900
A question mark?
203
00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:08,700
You got laid off
a question mark?
204
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,400
Ow! Hey!
205
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:14,300
It's no worse than your
super-obvious code words.
206
00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:16,600
Rhinoceros.
207
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,000
We have to go.
208
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:21,400
Great. Now we need
a new code word.
209
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,300
Ah, ah, it's her,
it's Robin.
210
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:25,500
What do I do?
211
00:08:25,700 --> 00:08:27,500
No-no-no-no, aah!
Robin...
212
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:29,300
great to hear from you.
213
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,400
To what do I owe the pleasure?
214
00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:34,600
You called, went
, and hung up.
215
00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:35,600
What do you want?
216
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,100
Help me!
217
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,600
Uh, just ask
her something.
218
00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:42,700
How are you feeling today?
219
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,100
Fine.
220
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,600
Something personal.
221
00:08:47,700 --> 00:08:51,100
At what age did you first
get your period?
222
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,200
Did you just ask me
about about my period?
223
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,300
No, I did not.
224
00:08:56,300 --> 00:08:58,000
Look, Barney,
I'm at work right now.
225
00:08:58,100 --> 00:08:59,700
Just ask her out.
226
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:04,100
Um, Robin,
I was wondering if...
227
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:07,900
Nothing.
Gotta go. Bye.
228
00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:12,000
Ha! That was
just a practical joke.
229
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,800
I'm not really in love
with Robin.
230
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,000
You should've seen the look
on your face.
231
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:19,800
There's cameras
right there and there and there. Ah!
232
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:24,400
What a legendary prank that we're never going
to speak of again.
233
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,600
PM 19:47:00
234
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,600
Gross.
235
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,000
Uh, first movie
you ever saw.
236
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,700
Benji, 1981.
237
00:09:37,500 --> 00:09:40,000
I watched it recently with Lucy
and I just thought,
238
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,100
"Oh, that dog
is so dead right now. "
239
00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:45,000
What about you?
240
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,600
My dad took me
to an old drive-in
241
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:48,500
to see the original Star Wars.
242
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,100
You know, I've actually
never seen Star Wars.
243
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,600
She's never seen Star Wars?!
244
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,500
Ted, the only people
in the universe who haven't seen
245
00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:57,700
Star Wars are the characters
in Star Wars,
246
00:09:57,700 --> 00:09:59,000
and that's 'cause they
lived them, Ted!
247
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,100
That's 'cause they lived
the Star Wars.
248
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:02,400
You've got to calm down.
249
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,800
I told you. I told you
you didn't
250
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:04,900
know this girl well enough.
251
00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:07,500
What if you show it to her
and she doesn't like it?
252
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:09,000
Dude, it's just a movie.
253
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,600
Ted, Star Wars is your all-time
favorite movie,
254
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:14,000
and whether or not Stella
likes it is actually important.
255
00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:16,700
It's like, it's a test
of how compatible you guys are.
256
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:19,200
Marshall, it's just a movie.
257
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,200
It's just a movie.
258
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:25,300
121 AWESOME MINUTES LATER
259
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,200
Okay, if Stella
doesn't like this movie,
260
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,500
- I can't marry her.
- No, you can't.
261
00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:31,600
- You want to watch it again?
- Yes, I do.
262
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,300
Wait, where are the boys? I
thought this was a group thing.
263
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:42,600
Yeah, I lied.
264
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,500
They're not coming
and I'm about to leave.
265
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:46,600
- Why?
- Because...
266
00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:49,100
they're not in love with Robin,
and neither am I.
267
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:51,900
I mean, she's great and sweet.
268
00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:54,200
I'm not going to pretend
that I hen't noticed her body,
269
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,900
but this is off topic.
Good luck.
270
00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:58,900
Wait, wait, I
can't do this.
271
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,100
She'll never take
me seriously.
272
00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:02,800
- She thinks I'm some womanizing idiot.
- Hey.
273
00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,900
We both know
you're more than that.
274
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,900
Okay, just show Robin the
Barney I met the other day.
275
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,900
You mean the insecure,
touchy-feely she-male
276
00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:13,200
who sounded alarmingly
close to Ted?
277
00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:15,900
Hey, Ted hit that
for over a year.
278
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:17,900
Wish me luck.
279
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,100
I just thought it'd be fun
to watch a movie tonight,
280
00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:23,000
and since you've
never seen Star Wars,
281
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,900
I figured why not?
282
00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:26,100
No big deal.
283
00:11:26,500 --> 00:11:27,600
It's pretty good.
284
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:29,800
- Sounds like a plan.
- Hmm.
285
00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:35,900
Hey, I'm just gonna
grab a beer.
286
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:37,200
- You want one?
- Um...
287
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,400
the movie's already
started, so...
288
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,100
Yeah, it's just some words flying through space.
289
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,700
I mean, I'm not going
to read that anyway.
290
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:44,000
Oh, my God
291
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,900
Off to a bad start.
292
00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:48,100
What are you doing
down there?
293
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,800
I'm making sure my best friend
is marrying the right woman.
294
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:51,800
That's what I'm doing.
295
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,300
Dude, what the hell are you
doing, hiding behind the couch?
296
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:55,900
You need to get a job.
297
00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:58,600
I really do, don't I?
298
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:00,300
Yeah.
299
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,500
So, Robin.
tell me about your day,
300
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,000
and not just what happened,
301
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,600
how you felt
about what happened.
302
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:10,100
What?
303
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:11,800
I'm not looking
to problem-solve,
304
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,300
I'm just looking to listen.
305
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:16,800
Why are you acting like this?
306
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:17,600
Like what?
307
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:19,200
You're being super nice.
308
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,400
It's freaking me out.
309
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,200
Be gross, be inappropriate.
310
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,500
- Be Barney.
- Uh,
311
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:26,800
I'm being Barney,
312
00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:30,000
and I think
tonight's going to be
313
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,400
de- wait for it- lightful.
314
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,000
Delightful.
315
00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:36,500
Right.
316
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:42,000
Hey, um, so I went
to the chiropractor yesterday.
317
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,800
That guy bent me over the table
and pounded me for a good hour.
318
00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:49,900
Is insurance going
to cover that?
319
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:51,200
Sometimes they don't.
320
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:53,200
That's it?
321
00:12:53,700 --> 00:12:54,700
Okay.
322
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,800
Well, um,
today I was at the dentist.
323
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:02,600
That guy drilled me
all day long.
324
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:05,300
He drilled me hard.
325
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,100
He filled all of my cavities.
326
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:09,500
Come on, man.
327
00:13:09,900 --> 00:13:11,500
Well, your teeth
look fantastic.
328
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,400
Who are you?
329
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,300
What?
330
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:24,200
Nothing.
331
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:26,800
You were staring
at me.
332
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,400
You look really
beautiful tonight.
333
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,400
You don't look
so bad yourself, mister.
334
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,600
Yeah, great scene,
great scene.
335
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,900
Star Wars fun fact
number seven-
336
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,500
George Lucas based
the film's structure
337
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:45,400
on Akira Kurosawa's
The Hidden Fortress.
338
00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:46,600
Uh, he also owes a debt
339
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,300
to Joseph Campbell's work
with comparative mythology.
340
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,800
Yeah, Ted,
I'm losing wood over here.
341
00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:52,200
What's going on?
342
00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:53,300
Nothing.
343
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,800
Wait, it's really important
to you
344
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,800
that I like this movie,
isn't it?
345
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:01,300
No.
346
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:04,600
Well,I'm not gonna like it with you
staring at me the whole time.
347
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:07,300
Go to your room and I will
come get you when it's over.
348
00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:09,000
- Stella.
- Go.
349
00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:17,500
Should I leave, too?
350
00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:20,300
What part,
what part, what part?
351
00:14:27,900 --> 00:14:29,200
Thanks.
352
00:14:29,900 --> 00:14:31,000
Nothing?
353
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:32,800
Not even
a glance?
354
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:36,800
I mean, even I was thinking about rocking a motorboat
on those bad boys.
355
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,800
What the hell
is wrong with you, Barney?
356
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,400
I don't always want
to be that guy.
357
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:45,100
Sometimes I want to be someone you can have
an actual conversation with.
358
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:49,100
Now,tell me something about you that I don't know yet.
359
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:50,400
Seriously.
360
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,100
Okay.
361
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:57,500
Um... there's a job opening
at a new cable network
362
00:14:57,500 --> 00:15:00,100
that would be perfect for me-
363
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:04,200
completely legit world news, interviews
with people who matter-
364
00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:07,500
uh, but I decided
I'm not going to apply.
365
00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:08,700
Why not?
366
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:13,200
Because I'm a joke. I'm just the scary news
lady from some stupid local news channel.
367
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,200
Hey, we both know
you're more than that.
368
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,800
Promise me you'll apply.
369
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:20,700
Barney, it's not as easy...
370
00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:23,400
Promise me you'll apply.
371
00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,400
Okay.
372
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:27,700
I promise.
373
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:32,000
Okay, she's up
to the scene where Luke, Leia,
374
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,300
Han and Chewy escape from the Death Star's
trash compactor.
375
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:37,800
- Great scene.
- Great scene.
376
00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:42,000
Okay, we should
have just heard...
377
00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:48,400
...but Stella
didn't make a peep.
378
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:50,300
- I'm gonna take a look.
- All right.
379
00:15:58,600 --> 00:15:59,800
She's not even watching.
380
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,200
She's texting.
381
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:02,500
I'll tell her
you still want to be friends.
382
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:04,100
I don't believe this.
383
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:05,800
I don't believe this; she knows
this is important to me.
384
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:06,800
She's blatantly...
385
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:12,900
"Stop watching me, jackasses. "
386
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,600
To taking chances.
387
00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:21,800
You know, Robin, there's
actually something I,
388
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,600
I do want to talk
to you about.
389
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:26,300
- Last call.
- Of course it is.
390
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:27,700
One more for the road?
391
00:16:27,900 --> 00:16:29,000
Yeah, why not?
392
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:30,000
Hold that thought?
393
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,200
I will.
394
00:16:42,500 --> 00:16:43,600
I loved it.
395
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:44,600
Yes!
396
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,900
Yes, I am marrying a woman who is not only hot
397
00:16:47,900 --> 00:16:49,300
but loves Star Wars.
398
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,300
That's the dream.
399
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:51,600
Yes
400
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:53,300
What was that?
401
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:56,700
I was high-fiving 15-Year-Old Me
through the space- time continuum.
402
00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:57,500
We did it.
403
00:16:57,500 --> 00:17:00,200
We did it, you masturbating
little bastard.
404
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,500
Champagne for everybody.
405
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:06,700
It was so good.
406
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,000
- You hated it, didn't you?
- Ugh, it's so stupid.
407
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,300
I mean, first of all, how do
they understand that walking...
408
00:17:11,300 --> 00:17:12,900
bear they hang around
with all the time?
409
00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:14,400
- Wookiee.
- Yeah, he goes...
410
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:17,200
And they're all like,
411
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,100
"That's a good point, Bear,
let's try that. "
412
00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:20,100
Okay, he's a Wookiee,
413
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:23,000
and his kind is actually
more intelligent than they appear.
414
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:28,000
Look, Stella, that is Ted's favorite movie
of all time.
415
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,500
He watches it
when he's home sick with the flu.
416
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,300
He watches it on rainy
Sunday afternoons in the fall.
417
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:36,000
He... he watches it
on Christmas Eve.
418
00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:42,000
Ted watches Star Wars in sickness and in health,
in good times and in bad.
419
00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:44,400
Do you really think
that you can pretend
420
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:48,400
to like a movie
that you actually hate for the rest of your life?
421
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,400
I do.
422
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:57,600
Well, then, Ted's a lucky guy.
423
00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:03,700
Bear.
424
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:07,500
- Hey.
- Hey.
425
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:08,700
So, here's the deal.
426
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,100
April, have...
you met Barney?
427
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:13,300
Hi, Barney.
428
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:16,000
- Uh, hello.
- April just finished her shift,
429
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:18,000
and she's looking
to blow off some steam.
430
00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:20,000
- Ha.
- Hmm.
431
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:22,000
Would you excuse
us for one sec?
432
00:18:23,300 --> 00:18:24,200
What are you doing?
433
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:25,500
Well, you were
so nice to me tonight,
434
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:28,700
I wanted to return the favor,
wingwoman-style.
435
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,100
So, as I was saying,
April, Barney...
436
00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:33,200
is the Yankees'
new second-baseman.
437
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:34,700
And Barney,
April asked
438
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:39,300
if tomorrow, you could hit a goal
for her during the baseball match.
439
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,100
You can't make
this stuff up.
440
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:44,300
So, you two kids have fun.
441
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,200
So are you, uh,
nervous about the game?
442
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,400
Yeah, I'm nervous
for the other team
443
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:54,600
'cause when I step
up to that plate...
444
00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:59,200
Look, April, I am not
a New York Yankee.
445
00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:01,500
Any other night, I would probably
try to convince you
446
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:02,600
that I am, but I'm not.
447
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:06,500
I'm just some guy who's in love with the
girl that just left,
448
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:09,800
and she's never going
to feel the same way.
449
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:13,200
So I'm just going to go.
450
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:15,600
And that was it.
451
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:17,700
I'm so sorry, Barney.
452
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,000
But you can't give up.
453
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:22,400
You know,
it may take some time,
454
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:24,700
but once Robin really sees
the new you...
455
00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:25,700
Barney, um,
456
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:27,400
when my family gets
to Yankee Stadium,
457
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,400
are the tickets
under your name or mine?
458
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:31,900
My name, and tell your
nephews to bring their mitts.
459
00:19:31,900 --> 00:19:34,000
They're going to be
in foul ball country.
460
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:37,100
Come on.
461
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:39,900
Okay, well, the Robin stuff
was completely true.
462
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,200
Damn it, Barney.
463
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:44,300
I mean, for the last time,
464
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:47,600
you can't, you can't
be in love with Robin
465
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:50,700
and still be sleeping with
every bimbo on the planet.
466
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:52,800
You have to choose right now.
467
00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:55,700
I choose bimbos.
468
00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:58,900
- What?!
- Hey, Lily, bimbos make me happy.
469
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,800
Bimbos make me
feel alive.
470
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,100
Bimbos make me want to
pretend to be a better man.
471
00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:07,500
This whole thing with
Robin was just a fling,
472
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:11,100
but at the end of the day,
my heart belongs to bimbos.
473
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,800
No, no, this is just
a defense mechanism
474
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,700
because you're afraid
of getting hurt.
475
00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:17,800
You're just confused.
476
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,600
Oh, I'm not
confused, Lily.
477
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,700
You know who is confused?
478
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,100
Bimbos.
479
00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:24,800
They're easily confused.
480
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,400
It's one of the
thousand little things
481
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,900
I love about them.
482
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:31,600
I love their vacant,
trusting stares;
483
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:34,300
their sluggish,
unencumbered minds;
484
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:36,900
their unresolved daddy issues.
485
00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:39,800
I love them, Lily,
and they love me.
486
00:20:40,300 --> 00:20:44,200
Bimbos have always been there
for me, through thick and thin.
487
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:45,500
Mostly thin.
488
00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:46,900
B- man don't do thick crust.
489
00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:48,100
What up?
490
00:20:48,100 --> 00:20:49,800
See you, Barney.
491
00:20:53,500 --> 00:21:03,500
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